Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
