He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
