imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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