Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
