Yo dont text me then not text me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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