like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
