I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
