Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
