i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
