Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
