GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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