I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
