i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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