I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize