i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
