uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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