You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize