I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
