Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I love you. Go after that dick
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
