Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
