Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
