I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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