You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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