Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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