Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize