It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize