So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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