sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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