I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
