Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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