she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Gay?
German.
Pity.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
