This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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