and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
