i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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