he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
