YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
