Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
