wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
