That's when you crack a 10am beer
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
