Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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