Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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