I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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