You're so nebulous sometimes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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