Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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