so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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