My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
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