Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
