they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
