he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
