I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
