would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
