She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
