great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize