Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
