Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
