i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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