The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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