woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
