I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
