She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
