got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
