4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize