omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
