was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
