I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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