When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
