If i come over, it means nothing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
