Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
