I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
