I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
