covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
