how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
