dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The air was thick with penises
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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