the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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