it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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