Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
