just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
