well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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