Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
