your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
