That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
