I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
