How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
