apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
