I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
