Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
