So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
4 words: hood of his car
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
