Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
