Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
